Mr. President, We Will be
Taking the Cheeseburger, Sir
August 29, 1996
Richard Brian McCarty
After watching Al Gore's speech last night, I decided to follow the liberal logic to where
it would lead. It is sad that the Vice-President's sister died of cancer. And, it reminded
me of my own addiction and what I think the government should do for me.
I am addicted to cheeseburgers--Big Macs specifically. It is one of the few things that
the President and I have in common. For a long time, I thought that I was to blame for
eating them. Now, I know, that it was Ronald McDonald.
Yes, when I was a kid, the evil Ronald McDonald enticed me to ask my parents to take me to
McDonald's and to order my first Big Mac. Thousands have followed, and my waist has
expanded. My health problems will come from Big Macs, I am sure. And, I hope my brother
stands tall against the fast food industry after I go. Don't blame me, I could not help
it.
Just look at McDonalds. There are playgrounds that entice children to come eat greasy
fried foods. Ronald McDonald and his host of cartoon like characters munch on the latest
fast foods and make it look enjoyable. And, children, and their parents, are certainly
mesmorized to the point where only the government can prevent them from overeating bad
foods. There are hip commericials aimed not only at children, but at every ethnic group in
the nation. Yes, my fellow Americans, Ronald McDonald is a bigger threat than Joe Camel to
the national health. And, we wonder why he hides behind a painted face.
Yes, I gained weight, not because of my own lack of self discipline, or because I choose
to enjoy the Big Mac, but because the government did not protect me from Ronald McDonald.
Further, it failed to protect me against the Shoney's Big Boy, Burger King Kid's Meals,
and my own mama's fried chicken and rice and gravy.
Of course, you probably know my tongue is firmly placed in my cheek. And, before some of you condemn me for being insensitive about Vice President Gore's sister, let me remind you of Vice President Gore's ties to the evil of tobacco that he invoked his sister's memory for.
Gore's sister died before his campaign for President. Yet, records show that Gore took
money from tobacco companies for his run. And, he accepted it for his re-election to the
Senate. If he holds tobacco use as the reason for his sister's death, and he holds that
she had no control over her life, then what kind of man is he to take tobacco money?
There is no doubt that the Vice-President is sincere that his sister's death still hurts
him. I hope so , anyway. However, I think it is tragic for him and his family that he
seems so insincere when his words are compared to his actions. Frankly, it is sad to see a
man who would use a family tragedy for political purposes. And, it is even sadder to watch
the media fawn over it.
What happen to Gore's sister was tragic to him and his family. But, no more tragic than
the deaths of people who drove too fast one night, who ate too many hamburgers, or who
simply chose not to exercise. So, if we are to be moved by grief to invoke government
action in such cases, then Mr. President, we will be taking that cheeseburger from you,
sir. Or, you can keep it as long as you admit that you and the rest of us are free and
responsible for our own actions.
Richard Brian McCarty has worked on several political campaigns of conservatives. He holds
a Juris Doctor from the University of South Carolina and a BS degree from Lander
University. An experienced writer, McCarty's columns are written from a distinctly
Southern point of view. He is sometimes Southern, sometimes conservative, sometimes
humorous, and sometimes all three.